This past year has been one filled with change, challenge and at times confusion. Some of the changes were subtle; a shift in duties with a volunteer group, a new hair dresser, starting to wear more dresses - and some of them were profound; a new job after almost 2 decades and most of all -my daughter moving away for university.
It seemed to all be so natural and matter of fact that that I told myself I was adapting just fine to all the change and after all, I was the kind of person who LIKED change and invited in the new and exciting. In many regards, that is all true. The one change I made however that has recently come to light as having a far more profound affect on me than I would have ever imagined, was my decision to shelf my gratitude cards, the daily posts... the running of the business of gratitude and soulshine. The decision itself was based in logic; at least I felt it to be a logical decision at the time. I started a new job in February, one that involved my full attention, some travel and a lot of learning. My previous life balance of fitting my life in around my job was thrown off kilter and so to become immersed in that new role, I decided that the old one wouldn't fit.
It turns out that I was wrong. How could I possibly believe that I did not have time, space or the energy for GRATITUDE??? When I put it that way, I shake my head in amazement for my short sightedness. What I should have done (although I try really hard not to "should" on myself) was to ramp up the gratitude love to ensure I was being as supportive of myself as possible and gifting myself with a daily soul hug. The outcome of this removal of being present and in gratitude was almost well, devastating. I found myself being sad more often, wanting to withdraw from some daily activities and having low energy that kept me stuck. Sigh. It just wasn't me.
Out of the inertia I reached out to a friend who has always been a beacon of light for me and asked for her time and wisdom. While we sat and shared and cried and laughed and contemplated, I was struck by this thought: "WHY am I pushing myself away from gratitude?"
I have this beautiful deck of cards that came to me for a reason; and many of you know I say that they are not OF me but THROUGH me as really and truly they were a gift; and yet I was not allowing myself the gift of daily gratitude. Sure, from time to time I sold some decks and spoke to some of my partners and supporters, but I wasn't in it. I wasn't making it a conscious decision day in and day out to be in gratitude.
Shame on me. Shame on any of us really for not being as close to our true selves as we can be because we think there isn't time, or maybe the acceptance we crave, to be able to spend our time in a manner that feeds not only our own soul but one that lights up others. Really, isn't that what we are all here for anyway? To love one another, to share our gifts with one another at times being the hand up and at other times, loving accepting the hand we are offered.
Cheryl Richardson - who I adore!! and you should check out if you don't already know her (www.cherylrichardson.com) had this quote up the other day on facebook that really resonated with me: "Stop trying to control your life. It gets in the way of Divine Intervention." Here I was thinking I was managing this change and my new roles and responsibilities but what I was really doing was blocking myself from being in the flow.
Well no more I say. For my health I need to be in gratitude; literally. When I share with the community we have grown, I become more aware of the blessings around me and the gift that my life is and most importantly (and I don't say this lightly) that gift that I AM.
Today is a good day to look a little closer, is there something in your life that is rrriiiggghthhhttt there and yet you fail to see it? What simple, subtle, gentle shift can you make to open yourself up to Divine Intervention?
For me, each day will start with one of my divinely gifted cards to centre myself around grateful thoughts. I will share with you what sweet ways the world opens up to me on this journey. One thing I know for sure, I am open and out of my own way. So bring it.